Editor,

Like millions of my fellow Americans, for the last few days I’ve been desperately seeking a workaround to the recent election calamity. One’s mental health is on the line. I’ve arrived at a workaround that I’d like to share with you. Please hear me out.

My workaround is a variation of Ben Franklin’s idea to extend the day or shorten it by manipulating the clock as we swing back and forth between daylight savings times and standard time. However, my workaround does the other way. I want to shorten time. I’m calling for a reconceptualization of how we measure time. We are a democracy. We can vote to do whatever we want.

So here it is. A constitutional convention to move, all across this vast nation, on every clock, on every wall, on ever night stand, to a three-second day. Please bear with me. I don’t profess to be good with heavy numbers, but the backroom boys tell me that by implementing this workaround his administration is already over. Wait a minute. Now they’re telling me he actually owes money back for tinkering with the fascist mini-bar. So good; we’re getting something back.

After the convention we’d need to choose a date to implement the workaround. I suggest midnight last night. His U-Haul never hits White House pavement. Old ingenious Ben would be proud of us.

STEVEN V. HORTON

Langley