When stupidity reaches new heights, it’s often difficult to put into words how incomprehensible such stupidity can be.
The new Washington state tax on “candy” and “soda” has me sputtering, stuttering, almost unable to verbalize what I consider to be one of the most flagrant hoodwinkings of we the people by our legislators in recent history.
It’s not just the underhanded method used to shove this new tax through, it’s the burden their definitions of candy and food will put on small grocery stores and food sellers everywhere. I envision check-out nightmares as collecting the tax takes effect.
If it has flour in it, then it’s classified as “food,” not candy, and won’t fall under the new taxation, even though it’s a KitKat bar, for example. If it contains no flour, then it’s officially “candy” and subject to the increased tax.
What gibberish. Even worse is that more than three dozen people had to be hired (at what cost?) just to scrutinize every candy on the market and determine whether it falls into the “food” category or is just plain “candy.” Never in my wildest imaginings could
I have come up with a scenario so fraught with confusion, misunderstanding and the possibility for errors.
I would be howling with laughter at the outrageous preposterousness of this latest bit of governmental plundering, if I weren’t so fed-up-angry.
But, in all fairness, I should also note that I don’t buy candy bars or store candy and haven’t for years.
I do, however, buy pure chocolate, for many purposes, including making my own “candy.” Nowhere yet have I been able to determine whether the bars of specialty dark 70 percent or more cacao I favor are deemed to be “candy” and will therefore be even more costly due to the tax.
They are, technically, not a candy bar you would purchase to eat as “candy,” but they are chocolate and they do not contain flour.
According to my American Heritage dictionary, “food” is “any material, usually of plant or animal origin, containing or consisting of essential body nutrients, as carbohydrates, fats, proteins, vitamins or minerals, that is taken in and assimilated by an organism to maintain life and growth.”
The same dictionary defines “candy” as “any of numerous kinds or rich, sweet confections made with sugar, corn syrup or similar substances, often combined with chocolate, dairy products, fruits, or nuts; or a single piece of such a confection.”
Let me keep it simple folks. The Margaret definition: “If you put it in your mouth, chew it, gum it or suck it, and then swallow it into your stomach, it’s food, and therefore subject to whatever tax laws already in place govern food.”
By my definition, this excludes gum, which I have swallowed to avoid detection by teachers and/or accidentally, but seldom do anymore. So, gum winds up bearing the full burden of trying to make up for the
26 billion (and growing) shortfall our state is currently buried under. There goes my Trident.
As for the definition of stupidity, you know where to look, and I don’t mean the dictionary.
RECIPES
Making your own candy at home is, for the most part, easy, and when you do it that way, you know exactly what’s in it and, as you’re enjoying that bit of sweet or watching your kids have their treat, you won’t have to give even a passing thought to being taxed to enjoy it. These candy recipes are all microwave-made and simple.
CHOCOLATE COVERED WALNUT CARAMELS
1½ cups half and half
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
2 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
¼ cup light corn syrup
1¼ cups coarsely chopped walnuts
1¼ t. vanilla
¼ t. salt
9 oz. quality bittersweet chocolate, broken into pieces
In an 8-cup glass measuring cup or bowl, combine the half and half and butter, and microwave mixture at high power (100 percent) for 2 min., or until the butter is melted. Add the brown sugar and corn syrup, whisking mixture until smooth, and scrape the side of the container clean with a rubber spatula.
Cover the container ¾ with a tautly stretched microwave-safe plastic wrap and microwave again on high power, stirring gently with a cleaned spoon every 2 min. to dissolve the sugar, for 6 min. Then insert a microwave candy thermometer through the plastic wrap
into the mixture and microwave at high power for
18 to 20 min. more, or until the thermometer registers between 250 and 255 degrees after you take it out of the microwave and let it rest 10 seconds. While mixture is cooking, line an 11×7 baking pan with parchment paper, leaving a 1-inch overhang, and layer the walnuts in the pan.
Remove thermometer and plastic wrap from the mixture; add vanilla and salt and when mixture stops bubbling, stir with a clean spoon until smooth. Pour over the walnuts and chill the caramel for 30 min. or until set. Remove caramel from the pan using the parchment paper to lift; cut it into pieces about 2 x ¾ inches and chill the caramels until ready to dip.
Place chocolate in a bowl and microwave it at high power, stirring after each min., for 2 min., or until just melted. Coat caramels by dipping into chocolate and removing with a two-prong fork as each is coated, scraping off excess chocolate on the rim of the bowl, and transfer caramels to a sheet of parchment or waxed paper on a baking sheet. Chill caramels until chocolate is set. The caramels will keep, covered and chilled for 4-5 days. Makes about 2½ lbs.
BUTTERMILK HAZELNUT FUDGE
2 cups sugar
1 cup buttermilk
3 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped fine
3 T. unsalted butter, cut into pieces
1½ t. vanilla
¼ t. salt
¼ cup hazelnuts, toasted, skinned and coarsely chopped
Line an 8-inch square baking pan with waxed paper, leaving a 1-inch overhang. In an 8-cup glass measuring cup or bowl, stir together the sugar, buttermilk and chocolate.
Scrape the side of the bowl clean with a rubber spatula, cover ¾ of the way with tautly stretched microwave safe plastic wrap, and microwave at high power (100 percent), stirring gently with a clean spoon every
2 min. to dissolve sugar, for 6 min.
Insert a microwave candy thermometer through plastic wrap into the mixture and microwave at high power for 7-10 min. more, or until thermometer registers 240 degrees after mixture rests out of the microwave for 10 seconds. Remove the plastic wrap but leave the thermometer in the mixture, resting against the side of the bowl. Add butter, vanilla and salt but don’t stir. Let the mixture cool to 120 degrees and remove the thermometer. Add nuts and beat the mixture with a wooden spoon until it just begins to lose its gloss. Immediately turn the fudge into the pan, spreading into an even layer. Allow fudge to cool, lift it out of the pan using the waxpaper and cut it into 1-inch squares. Fudge will keep in an airtight container, chilled for 3-4 days (fat chance!). Makes 1 2/3 lbs. candy.
Note: If you buy already toasted and skinned hazelnuts, fine, but if not, put unskinned hazelnuts in one layer in a baking pan and roast in a preheated 350-degree oven for 10-15 min. or until lightly colored and the skins blister. Wrap nuts in a dish towel and let them steam for 1 min., then rub nuts in the towel to remove skins; let them cool.
COFFEE TOFFEE TRIANGLES
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
1/4 cup water
1 cup sugar
1 t. light corn syrup
1 T. instant espresso powder
1 1/2 t. vanilla
1/4 t. salt
In an 8-cup glass measuring cup or bowl, combine the butter and water, microwave at high power (100 percent) for 2 min., or until butter is melted. Gently stir in the sugar and corn syrup, cover the bowl 3/4 of the way with tightly stretched microwave-safe plastic wrap and microwave mixture on high power, stirring gently with a clean spoon every 2 min. to dissolve sugar, for 4 min. Insert a microwave candy thermometer through the plastic wrap into the mixture and microwave again at high power for 7-10 min. more, or until thermometer registers 300 degrees after mixture has rested 10 seconds out of the microwave.
While mixture is cooking, in a small bowl stir together the espresso, vanilla and salt. Line a 9-inch square baking pan with parchment paper, leaving a 1-inch overhang. Remove thermometer and plastic wrap from the mixture, add the espresso mixture and, when the mixture stops bubbling, stir it with a clean spoon until smooth. Pour into the prepared pan and let it cool for 10 min. Remove toffee from the pan using the paper and, working quickly while it’s still soft, use an oiled pastry wheel or sharp knife to cut the toffee into triangles. You don’t have to cut all the way through, just score it, because it will break along the lines when it’s cool. Let toffee cool completely then break it into triangles, tapping gently on a hard surface if necessary. Wrap individually or keep separated in layers by sheets of parchment paper. Toffee will keep in an airtight container, chilled, for 1 week. Makes a slight pound.
