Spam just ain’t what it used to be. A decade ago, spam was actually SPAM, that much-maligned meat product sold in the funny shaped can. Today, spam is that much maligned Internet junk mail that clogs up our mailboxes and makes us go nuts.

Over the long Thanksgiving weekend, I was spammed more than five dozen times. So whom is this stuff coming from? Oh, people with friendly names like Jason, Joe B, Amy Wilson and even Harry Potter.

And what is the subject matter? It runs the gamut from “Debt Consolidation” and “Free Gift Certificates and Vitamins” to “Claim Your Lost Money Now” and “Take a Survey, Win a Computer.” Then there’s all the unmentionable X-style spam that must have been intended for Howard Stern.

If you want to learn more about spam and how you can fight back, log on to spam.abuse.net, a good Web site dedicated to the good riddance of all this unwanted mail.

But back to the original SPAM. It’s been around since 1937, when Hormel Foods put it on grocers’ shelves across the country. Originally called Hormel Spiced Ham, the company held a contest for a catchy new name, and SPAM was born. The winner nabbed a cool $100, and SPAM has been a part of our cuisine vocabulary for 64 years.

What, you don’t like SPAM? Me either…anymore. But years ago, SPAM was my preferred sandwich of choice. I loved how the rectangular clump of pork shoulder and ham (along with its “secret spices”) oozed out of its liquid home onto a waiting plate. I’d cut off a few hunks, slap it on two slices of Wonder bread, add a little Nalley’s mayo, French’s mustard and iceberg lettuce and enjoy with a tall, cold glass of milk. The perfect noontime nosh.

Obviously, I wasn’t the only kid on the block lapping it up. SPAM has sold more than 5 billion cans in its six-plus decades, and it’s available in 101 countries. And who buys it the most? Folks in Hawaii. They eat more SPAM per person in the Aloha State than anywhere else.

Whatever the allure of this luncheon meat, Hormel Foods is living high on the hog thanks to its popular product. In fact, on Sept. 17 Hormel officially opened the SPAM Museum in its birthplace of Austin, Minn. (about 100 miles south of the Twin Cities metro area). Hungry SPAM fans worldwide can now make a pilgrimage to the unique luncheon meat museum (admission is free), which is dedicated to the “quirky joys and unprecedented excitement inspired by SPAM.” Minnesota, here I come!

So what do the SPAM folks think about the other spam? Here’s Hormel’s position on the relationship between their trademark Spam and the unsolicited commercial e-mail (UCE) that is irritating Internet users no end.

“Use of the term “Spam” was adopted as a result of the Monty Python skit in which a group of Vikings sang a chorus of ‘SPAM, SPAM, SPAM…’ in an increasing crescendo, drowning out other conversation. Hence, the analogy applied because UCE was drowning out normal discourse on the Internet.

“We do not object to use of this slang term to describe UCE, although we do object to the use of our product image in association with that term. Also, if the term is to be used, it should be used in all lower-case letters to distinguish it from our trademark SPAM, which should be used with all uppercase letters.

“This slang term does not affect the strength of our trademark SPAM. In a Federal District Court case involving the infamous trademark STAR WARS owned by LucasFilms, the Court ruled that the slang term used to refer to the Strategic Defense Initiative did not weaken the trademark and the Court refused to stop its use as a slang term. Other examples of famous trademarks having a different slang meaning include MICKEY MOUSE, to describe something as unsophisticated; TEFLON, used to describe President Reagan; and CADILLAC, used to denote something as being high quality.”

Well, I doubt if modern day spam has done much damage to old-fashioned SPAM. In fact, it’s probably helped. Today, SPAM is not just about SPAM, which comes in five varieties: SPAM Lite, SPAM Less Sodium, SPAM Oven Roasted Turkey, SPAM Smoke Flavored and good ‘ol SPAM. The funky food has a cult following, with an official SPAM Fan Club ($15 a year gets you an official SPAM T-shirt, membership certificate and card and a subscription to “A Slice of SPAM”).

On the www.spam.com Web site, one of the more creative and humorous commercial sites I’ve Googled in a while, you can learn all about SPAM and purchase SPAM products — everything from SPAM bowling shirts and glow-in-the-dark earrings to SPAM snowdomes and glow-in-the-dark boxers. Got SPAM?

Unfortunately, all of SPAM’s success is not curing my personal spamosis. It’s a computer virus of the worst kind, and I don’t know how to eradicate it. Maybe a SPAM sandwich on Wonder bread with Nalley’s mayo, French’s mustard, iceberg lettuce and a tall, cold glass of milk will help.

After all, I need my strength to delete all that unwanted mail.

Sue Frause can be reached by e-mail at skfrause@whidbey.com.