Just call me The Accidental Food Columnist. Two weeks ago I mused about SPAM. Seven days later I contemplated comfort food. So what’s the final installment in my cuisine trilogy? Kirk Francis.

Just call him The Accidental Cookbook Author.

If you’re a regular reader of this newspaper, you know Mr. Francis. He’s one of South Whidbey’s “colorful characters,” appearing in print with pungent letters to the editor about the DNR-Goss Lake Woods issue. He and other passionate property owners want to protect the 600 acres of woods, and he doesn’t miss an opportunity to put in a plug for his pet project (www.gosslakewoods.org).

But this isn’t about Kirk’s enviropolitics; it’s about his food. Kirk Francis is a damn fine cook — with oodles of recipes up his workshirt. After all, as a precocious 7-year-old in San Francisco, he savored his first artichoke fritatta at a restaurant called Bardelli’s.

“It was sublime. About eight very young, still chokeless carciofi had been stripped of their outer leaves and rubbed with lemon, salt and pepper. They had been squished down in someone’s palm, flattened to look more like green chrysanthemums than edible thistles. At that point they were fried in hot oil until golden brown, drained and brought out to our table on a serving cart equipped with a gas burner. With great ceremony, the waiter broke six eggs into a bowl, added a glug of olive oil, and mixed. A skillet was put on the fire, and the eggs were dumped over the artichokes. After a few minutes, the waiter executed a perfect flip. He offered grated Parmesan, and we ate.”

You’ll find that introductory story and countless other well-turned tales in Kirk’s 106-page cookbook, “I’ll Never Cook Lunch in That Town Again: Recipes and Comment from the Sit Down and Shut Up Cafe.”

It’s a cookbook he published himself, available at The Moonraker in Langley. “I sent it to every publisher,” said Kirk, putting the finishing touches on my breakfast of scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, onions and a splash of peppered vodka. “It’s a celebrity memoir, but I’m not a celebrity.”

Kirk is modest when it comes to his line of work; truth is he’s one of the tops in his field. For the past 34 years, Kirk has worked in the film industry as a production sound mixer. His credits are longer than the speeches he gives about the importance of good food and drink (“Everything’s about food. Why shouldn’t you enjoy life?”).

Kirk recorded the sound for “Wonder Boys,” “Bull Durham,” “Mr. Holland’s Opus” and “Sleepless in Seattle,” to name a few. His work on “LA Confidential” was nominated for an Academy Award, and also snagged him a British Oscar. Calling himself “semi-retired,” he recently did the sound for Disney’s “Tuck Everlasting” and in the new year he’ll head to Portland, Ore., where “The Hunted” is being filmed (directed by William Friedkin, it stars Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro).

So what does this pipe-smoking semi-curmudgeon think about Hollywood?

“I don’t want to be put in the same pile as those people,” says Kirk. “It’s a horrible business — all form and no content.”

That sentiment totally contrasts with his cookbook, which he proudly proclaims as “a triumph of content over form.” Describing the friendly food guide as “good recipes tested by Italians” (no names given), Kirk says they use easy ingredients, don’t involve much prep time and take 30 minutes or less to prepare. The nearly five dozen recipes run the gamut from Penne Carbonara and Spaghetti Puttanesca to Seafood Risotto (his favorite) and Angry New York Steak. And don’t forget the Zabaglione.

Woven throughout the book are Kirk’s personal stories, from his colorful Italian family to his 15 minutes of fame at the 1998 Academy Awards ceremony. The verbiage is rich, laced humorously and heavily with his philosophy on food and life. Even his feelings about something as simple as pizza can warm up a page:

“One doesn’t make one pizza for just oneself to sit with in front of the boob box. Anytime you go to the trouble and expense of heating up the oven in excess of 500 degrees for hours on end certainly is justification for a festive setting: at least six people, stools in the kitchen, oysters to start, and plenty of wine. Don’t be timid — it’s just a flat piece of bread with some leftovers on top. Facciamo una festa!”

Breakfast is over, and Kirk offers me more coffee. One of his six dogs saunters into the well-used kitchen; Kirk and his wife, Leslie Larch, also are the parents of two cats, seven chickens, and on occasion a resident hawk. When asked to describe himself in four words, the 54-year-old Renaissance man hesitates only slightly. “Loud, bombastic, generous and very much alive.”

Just like his cookbook.

Sue Frause can be reached by e-mail at skfrause@whidbey.com.