There has been nonstop talk in recent weeks about the next president’s cabinet.
I have been following each new development with great interest. And with the announcement of the whiskerless Bill Richardson as Secretary of Commerce, I got so excited I called one of the brothers Kelly back home in Michigan to talk about politics.
I didn’t even give my brother a chance to catch his breath when he picked up the phone. “Brother,” I said, “I think we are about to see one of the greatest cabinets of all time.”
“I know exactly what you’re talking about,” he said. “I saw the same one in my Cabela’s catalog.”
“What are you talking about?”
“All right, Santa,” he said sarcastically. “Go ahead and try to make it some big surprise. But everyone knows the perfect cabinet we’re talking about. Made of solid red oak, holds 10 guns; six long guns, with pegs for four handguns. Two glass locking doors, with raised wood panels on the bottom. Completely felt-lined, with a hidden storage area. I’ll try to act surprised when I see it under the tree.”
Then I remembered why I don’t like talking politics with the brothers Kelly. Serves me right for calling during hunting season.
It’s only natural for political junkies such as myself to be intensely interested in presidential cabinets. History abounds with stories about our presidents’ top advisors.
President Lincoln’s cabinet was called a “Team of Rivals.” And President Jackson was famous for his kitchen cabinet. And who could ever forget the cabinet of Dr. Caligari? Caligari, of course, was the person sworn in after the assassination of McKinley, if I am remembering it right.
Truth be told, I saw room for improvement on the cabinet announcements that have come from the Obama camp in the past few weeks.
If I were president, I would have done it differently.
The perfect cabinet would include not only a Secretary of Defense, but a Secretary of Offense. Remember, as Vince Lombardi used to say, “The best offense is a good offense.”
Another thing that I have noticed is that too much emphasis has been placed on the Secretary of State and not the state of the Secretary.
Some previous presidential cabinets have had a czar tossed into the mix. Well, I would have three, at the minimum. It’s all about creating jobs.
It’s also about keeping America at work. If Czar Number One called in sick to work, or Czar Number Two had comp time or was on vacation, I could call on Czar Number Three to get the job done.
As a matter of fact, the help of other czars may be needed. America must be prepared, I say, for the next Sean Penn or Martin Sheen demonstration, or the next Dixie Chicks outbreak. To safeguard our country, I would appoint a Czar to the Stars. It’s either that or keep Guantanamo open.
Another thing I would expect in my cabinet is accountability. So, obviously, I would have an accountant on board.
I’ve always liked the idea of having an Inspector General. And now that there will be young children in the White House, I think there should be an Inspector Gadget on the cabinet, as well.
Our current president has been criticized a lot for the type of advice he has gotten from his advisors.
Clueless? Not my presidency.
I would have a cabinet that would not be led astray by phony or false intelligence, for example.
No one would ever accuse my presidency of not having a clue.
I would make Having A Clue a cabinet-level position, preferably filled by Col. Mustard in the library.
Next time: More bailout news.
