I saw a full moon near Sunlight Beach on Monday night.
And here I thought all the hard feelings over the election were past.
I was driving home a little after dark along Bayview Road, just before Sunlight Shores, when I saw somebody hunched over by the side of the road.
It was about 7 p.m. or so. And as my pick-up truck pulled closer, my headlights lit up the person and I realized just as I passed that I was getting “mooned.”
Like any other rational person on the South End, I immediately thought it was part of some bigger conspiracy.
Never mind the fact that the person was standing at the end of Evening Glory Court, which is worthy of some sort of award in the annals of irony.
I was shocked. Too shocked, it turns out, to have noticed whether it was a man or a woman, a young hooligan or a respected elder in our community.
I was also going by too fast to see if it was actually a candidate in one of our recent races, or a crack member of a local campaign staff.
It really made me think. First that I had been targeted by someone in my past who wanted to turn the other cheek — two, actually — and point them in my direction. Then I began to think that the incident was really tied into the just completed election. I wondered if anyone else who had been super involved in the elections had gotten similar treatment. Just what did Hillary mean when she talked about 18 million cracks?
[Note to self: Begin work on New Year’s resolution that will lead to fewer heinie jokes in this column.]
On the rest of the ride home, I thought about the various events that had happened in the final days before the election and wondered how many were really interconnected.
Did you read about the story of “frankenmouse,” for example?
The news came out just days before the election. Scientists successfully cloned a mouse that was dead and frozen for 16 years.
At first I thought, “Well, that sort of defeats the purpose of building a better mousetrap.”
And then I rightfully saw the news announcement was just another last-minute attempt by the McCain campaign to divert attention from issues that are truly important to the American people, like an update on the latest dustup between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.
Then there was the announcement that the Russians wanted to put missiles near the border in response the U.S. plans to deploy an anti-missile defence shield.
Are they serious? It just goes to show how out-of-touch the Russians are. With the end of the campaign season, Sarah Palin has since gone back to Alaska and America’s early warning system is now operational once again.
If Putin goes rearin’ his head again, the Sister Sarah system will be activated from her front porch and the Russians will be thwarted.
Then came the late-breaking news that Barney, the presidential dog, bit a reporter the other day.
Some news outlets tried to claim Barney was irritable after finding out he was being replaced by a puppy, but I later learned the attack was actually justified, as the reporter was from Cat Fancier magazine and Barney was obviously provoked.
I can’t believe all the talk about dogs lately from our nation’s leaders. First, Sarah Palin called herself a pit bull with lipstick, then Barack Obama called himself a mutt. Who cares what kind of dog people think they are? Where is Barbara Walters when we need her? Somebody needs to ask the tree question.
I’ve been waiting and waiting for my conservative relatives from back home to e-mail me about the election, but no one has. I guess it’s hard to type when your hands are clinging to your guns and stuff. “Can’t type … must cling!”
Still, it was very heartening to watch the results come in during Election Night, and to see Americans united once again. There was a huge crowd on the sidewalk outside the White House, and I noticed that some people had been thoughtful enough to bring along big, empty cardboard boxes and packing tape. It’s enough to make me think that maybe we all can get along.
Next time: The people have spoken.
